baby #2

Well, since the news has been out for a few weeks now, I assume most everyone knows that John Scott, Brilee and I are expecting baby number 2 come February 2015!!!

 

We honestly couldn't be happier!

This baby that's growing rapidly inside of me has been smothered already with prayer and love.

 

 

Ever since we found out that I was in fact pregnant with a healthy baby, I've been wanting to blog about it.  But before I go into details of everything leading up to this pregnancy, I want to share the fun stuff first.

 

 

As of today I am 14 weeks.

Due date is February 11th

I was extremely sick for about 2 weeks. Zofran was my BFF.

After that it was just extreme exhaustion.  I dont recall being that tired with Brilee.

I couldn't eat any form of meat for the first trimester. Gag me!

Now I'm craving veggies, salads and chocolate milk.

The doctor mentioned I would probably show a lot faster this time around- she wasn't joking.

Uncomfortable at night is an understatement.

Heartbeat was 178 the first few times but dropped to 160s the last time.

We find out in 2 weeks what baby Smitherman is!!!!!!

So far, this pregnancy and baby has been healthy and perfect.

Thank You Jesus.

 

 

Now that most of the answers are out that people ask or wonder, let me tell you the story behind this miracle child.

(let me state, this post is real. it will have raw emotion in it.  no, im not doing it for attention. im doing it because God has blessed us and He deserves the praise and honor of this.)

 

 

A few months after John Scott and I tied the knot, we unexpectedly found out I was pregnant.  We were not trying, but excited none the less.  I had a regular yearly appointment coming up in a few days so I was able to have an ultrasound done pretty soon.  First ultrasound showed I was about 5 weeks pregnant and there was already a little heartbeat.  Best sound ever!!!  I went and did the protocol blood work, started my vitamins and thanked God for this gift. 

Since I was only 5 weeks the first appointment and the heart beat was low (normal for that early, but just not what they like...) they wanted me to come back in a few weeks to make sure the heart beat was in fact speeding up. So at 7 weeks I went back and the heart beat was in fact exactly where it needed to be!

But the next morning I woke up and just felt like something was off.  In fact, my in laws stopped by that day and I even told them I just didn't feel right.  Well, it wasn't just a few hours later when I started spotting.  I immediately called my mother who told me to call my doctor.  By now it was right at 5:00pm and they told me to get in bed and come in first thing in the morning.  The spotting wasn't terrible and I wasn't cramping so I really wasn't completely freaking out, but none the less, I was freaking out.  Morning came and I went in for my ultrasound.  The bleeding hadn't stopped over night and in fact, it had gotten heavier.  I knew without a doubt, I had miscarried.  But when they did the ultrasound, there was still a baby with a heartbeat... talking about surprised!!  My doctor talked to me a while and said right now it was out of their hands, if I was going to miscarry, they couldn't stop it this early on.  She went on to say that I might not miscarry as well, but I needed to be on bed rest until she told me other wise. I also had to be put on hormone suppositories.

Well that night, the cramping started.   I called my doctor again and she told me I was probably miscarrying and that I needed to take some tylenol and stay in bed.  Yall, I wouldn't wish that pain (physically and emotionally) on anyone.  Words will never be able to explain the pain.  Our hearts were broken.

A few days later I had to go back for blood work and an ultrasound to make sure my body did what it was suppose to do.  It did.  I was no longer pregnant with our baby.  I sat in my doctors private office and talked for almost an hour.  She explained to me how it's more common for women to miscarry at least once than for women not to.  And deep down, I knew that, but it still didn't take away that sting. 

My doctor encouraged us to try again in a few weeks.  We weren't ready!

 

Months went by.  Well to be exact, 9 months went by when I peed on a stick again and it read "pregnant." 

This time around, we didn't get near as excited.  We were so scared.  I called my doctor immediately and she had me come in for blood work asap.  It showed that I was about 4 weeks along, barely pregnant, and that my levels were low.  So this time they started me on those suppositories right then and in 48 hours I had to go back to see if they were doubling.  They weren't.  I had just left the hospital from the second round of lab work when my nurse called me to tell me that I was in fact going to have another miscarriage.  She said something about my doctor wanting to see me the next day, but I couldn't tell you anything else that she said.  I hung up and collapsed on the ground outside of my house.   I cried and cried and cried. I kept asking God why. Why me? 

You see, the first miscarriage hurt.  It broke my heart, but more than anything it was physically hard.  I understood that those things happen from time to time and it was common. But this time around, it hit me emotionally a lot harder.  I mean one time is common, but is it common to happen a second time?  Was there something wrong with me?  I mean obviously I could get pregnant, but why did I keep losing them? 

After talking to my doctor again we agreed to do a big panel of lab work.  It would show if anything was wrong with me.  It came back good.  So she once again encouraged us to try again.  We didn't.  At this point, we were both just done.  I mean deep down we both wanted another child, but we were both just so terrified of having to go through this again.  So we stayed away from the idea of getting pregnant. 

But deep inside of me, I started battling a war.   Every single day I would question why.  Every single day I would tell myself I was a horrible person and that's why this all happened.  Every single day I placed the blame on myself. 

Finally, after months of going through hell, I called out to God.  I remember laying on my bedroom floor crying.  I know I was praying, but I don't remember what I was praying for.  I just remember calling out to Him.  I needed His peace and comfort, but most of all, I needed Him to take control of my life.  That day, things changed for me.  I was no longer having panic attacks daily.  I was no longer feeling like I was a bad mother or woman.  I was no longer in control, but He was. 

 

I honestly could not have made it through that year and some odd months without my Savior and some dear friends who constantly prayed for me. 

 

Then in April, John Scott and I went on vacation to St. Croix.  During that stay there we both agreed to start trying when we got back home.  We felt like we were ready, no matter the outcome.  If we got pregnant, wonderful.  If we didn't, that's great too; we already have one healthy perfect daughter to be proud of. 

 

Then one morning in May I woke up and took a test.  It immediately showed "pregnant."  I freaked out!!!  The first person I told wasn't my husband... I know I know... but I sent a text to a friend who had been praying for us.  After telling her, I made my mind up not to tell John Scott until my first doctors appointment.  But they lasted .495739 seconds.  I went into the living room and said "okay, so I have something to tell you, but don't get too excited or scared."  He just looked at me like what?  Then I said "I'm pregnant!!!!"  I'm pretty positive he just sat there in silence. 

That day I called my doctor and she brought me in immediately for lab and an ultrasound.  Lab work came back off the charts- every single thing was high and above average!  Ultrasound showed a baby.  In a week they had me come back.  Again, lab work was great and baby was bigger.  For the first 8 weeks I went every week to keep a check.  Every week God was showing us He was in fact in control.  After that appointment she told me she wouldn't see me again for two weeks instead of one.  So at 10 weeks I went back and again, baby was perfect.  At 12 weeks, baby was perfect.  Which leads me to where I am now.  14 weeks and going strong!!!!

 

 

You see... I'm not posting this to get attention or to make yall feel sorry for us.  No, I'm posting this because God has given us a gift.  Not only a gift of a precious baby, but a gift of trusting Him. 

 

I also said in the past that I trusted The Lord, but until this pregnancy, I really didn't.  I mean yeah I would say things like "God is in control" or "I trust Him."  but then I would google to see what the internet said or I would question my friends to get their opinion.  I never truly just handed it to God until this baby. 

And no, I'm not saying I'm perfect, because I'm not.  There are days when my back aches more than others and I freak out thinking something is wrong.  Or days when I text another friend who is pregnant and ask her if she had these pains.  But every day I ask God to control not only my life, but my heart, soul and mind.  I ask Him to comfort me.  I ask Him to give me peace instead of fear or worry.  And every day He gives me joy like He promises and every day He shows me how great it is to just trust Him 100%. 

I don't know what tomorrow holds. 

I don't know if this pregnancy will continue to be healthy or not.

But I know without a doubt, He is controlling the situation. 

I know that He will give me strength to continue this journey no matter the outcome.

Because my God is an awesome God and His timing is perfect.

 

 

So no matter the situation you  may be in.  Rather it be infertility, multiple miscarriages, cancer, financial struggles, family issues... give it to Him.

No, we might not like the outcome in the end, but trust Him. 

There is a reason. We may not know it or understand it, but He will comfort you through it.